Wednesday, September 17, 2008

No Love in the Club

So I was part of one of the most successful party nights in the city where everyone came out to dance every week.  Actually, it was one of the best parties in history.  One night was incredibly awesome.  The club was packed, the DJs rocked the crowd, the bartenders served up the best drinks, the owners paid us at the end as usual, and the bouncer punched me in the face at the end of the night.  Bad scene.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Nut Cracker

...Bad Scene

Doggie treats

Back in the day in my younger years, I was going out with this girl. She still lived at home with her parents which is normal as we must have been around the tender age of 16. She had a dog who was very fond of her. They had this special bond as most girls do that grow up with a pet animal. It was very hard for us to get alone time to bone so one day while her parents were upstairs we decided to get it on in the basement. Oral sex was on the menu for this particular evening and she was my waitress. So shes doing her thing Im feeling all relaxed and then I get that sensation. Shes about to get a real special treat. As we all know bad girls suck and good girls swallow, and my girl was a very good girl. But just to give her a tiny reminder of why shes such a great girl, I gently grabbed her head and kind of held it in a "Im not forcing you to let me bust in your mouth but you really should let me and thats whats gonna happen" kind a way. She seemed puzzled for a split second but then complied with my kind gesture (Sperm has vitamin E in it). So as I finished unloading the truck, she waited for the clearance signal and slowly started to lift her mouth off my now semi-dur hard place. With her hair all over the place as she got up she kind of gagged and vomitted a bit of sperm/puke out of her mouth. Not alot but enough to get some in her hair and some on the carpet. I was slightly amused by this I must admit. So she got up to get a kleenex to fix the mess "she" had made on the carpet as I zipped up my pants with the smile of a cheshire cat on my face. While she managed to clean up most of it so it would not look like anything, her dog still knew that there was something there. In a full sprint her dog came running down the stairs and started licking the carpet like it was water and we were in the dessert. After many failed attempts to stop the dog from feasting, her mom decided to walk downstairs to check up on us as she was suspicious of me having sexual relations with her daughter and always wanted to take ever measure possible to stop it. She looked at the dog, looked at my girl, looked at me and demanded to know why the fuck the dog was licking the carpet like that and would not leave until she got a full explanation... Bad scene

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Money in the bank?

Promoted the shit out of a party.  

A lot of people paid to get in. 

The vibe was great, the girls were out, and it was another successful jam.

The Filipino bartender stole all my money.  Super bad scene.

Hurricane Ike

This bastard is a really bad scene. As a matter of fact, hurricanes in general are typically a bad scene.

a book of whispers

I'm a kid, must have been about 5 or so.
Its Saturday, no school, sunny day.
I am really excited because today is the first time
I get to go to the library.
"I big deal right...but for me,
every outing or new uncharted land was a big deal"

Of course, I was going there with my mother and older
sister. I had very particular instructions to follow on this
day of days. My journey would be a quiet one as my
mother made it extremely clear that I was not to make
any noise, not a peep.

There it was, the Library...Mountains of books, paintings on the walls,
a color combination that boggled my mind. The best part of this picture
is that the whole west side of the building was a stretch of windows, allowing
the sun to shine in, brighter than I had ever seen, making all the book covers
sparkle like jewels in a treasure chest. I wished to explore this new world. To
seek out its wonders.

As soon as I saw the opportune moment, I left the pack, my mother and sister
went their way and I went mine. I felt like a spy on a mission, sneaking around
in silence. A sudden urge took over me, I desperately had to go to the bathroom.
whispering to the librarian, I asked her to point me in the right direction. A huge
door stood in front of me with a sign of a little boy on it. I was moments away from
relief when I placed my left hand on the handle, pulled and slipped my right hand in
the opening leading the way for the rest of my body to enter the room. Unfortunately,
the door was way to heavy for me, my fingers were now stuck, this 1000 pound door
was weighing down on them, draining all life right out of me...I wanted to scream for help,
to plead for mercy...

"I must not..."

"I must stay quiet...Mom said"

I whisper for help

My mother is reading a book close enough to me
she finally hears me

"Ill be right there son hold on, I just want to finish this paragraph..."

The door was opened, my mother is here now
my fingers look like road kill, blood dripping onto the
bathroom floor.....

Is this the reason why I don't read much today??

Bad scene....

Friday, September 12, 2008

Gotta Love that Ass...

I have been chassing this girl forever
Im borderline stalking this chick
I cant get her out of my head
Im daydreaming about her
fantasising about her in my sleep

and lets just say that I might have some self inflicted
scars on my "Mr Thomson" to this day....

ok..relax...we were all young once
and theres nothing wrong with exploring your
body 12 times + a day

Anyways, after months of trying to hook up with her
I finally get her to come to the movies with me
I was crazy excited of course...
but I made sure to deploy the soldiers b4 my date
as not to be packing a loaded gun itching to shoot one off.
Clever move, I thought....but fate had other plans for
our evening of passion and "explosions"

Everything was cool, we where at the theatre, my arm around her
waist, waiting for our popcorn, feeling like a king...on top of the world....


Its dark now
we are sitting up against each other
holding hands, rubbin, lovin the moment
everything is perfect....
and then it came...

deep in my stomach
like I was cursed
why now?
these are the explosions that fate had in store for me?
OMG, am I wearing white boxers?

So I told her I had to go to the bathroom "fast fast"
I would be right back
in reality it was more like... if I didnt go fast, I would shit myself
something reeeeaaalll big was brewing up inside of me
like I was about to give birth to a girafe

When I finally got to the bathroom stall, I was shitting even b4 my ass
hit the was fucking crazy!!!
the loudest, smelliest, dirtiest shit I ever took in my life
I must have been throwing up out of my asshole for a good 10 min
a mix of liquid and solid
there was a war going on inside of me and I really wasnt winning....

Drained, embarassed and fucking broken from all the physical strain
I got out of the bathroom, only to find that the people outside heard everything.
What was I to do...go back to see her and have to explain why I was gone for over
15 min and smell like I fell in the sewer....FUCK THAT

I left...
didnt pick up her calls....
lost my chance at THE GIRL...
Gotta Love That Ass...

Bad Scene....

Suks to be yoo

Kim's Parents had a low expectations from the start....Bad Scene

Hey Mom

So I get invited to this staff Christmas party at one of my coworkers house.
She has this party every year..huge blowout. Its the first time I attend and I dont know
many people, so I put my joker face on and jump in the action...everybody loves a comedian right??

So first things first, I go to the kitchen to poor myself a drink and grab some munchies.
There are people I dont know everywhere. So, to blend in, Im just passing comments here and there. As Im pooring my drink I say to this girl taking out food from the oven:

"Nice party, eh??"

She responds:

"Yup,Im here every year"

But as she replies, a piece of watever she was shewing flies out of her mouth and lands on my face...not a big piece but just big enough for me to say something jokes about to a pick up line of sorts, I guess

"its not nice to spit on people you dont know"

I said, in a funny/serious tone of voice.
(keeping in mind that only those who know me, know when Im kidding)

She REALLY didnt find it funny
She looked like she was going to beat me up

"its really rude to talk to people you dont know like that" she said

In my mind I thought ok so Im not picking this girl big deal
But then my friend from work whos house it is comes in the mix
"OH, I see you met my mom"


Bad Scene...

Scent of a woman

About 5 years ago, I'm working at Deco Decouverte. My inderect boss(2 years older than me, good looking but sexy because she is my"boss" right) and I start the flirting game. Being the guy I am, we end up hitting it off. I find out she's my good friends cousin, but no matter. Things started moving real fast, everything was great. Met the family, seing her every day. Ends up that after 2 months, we move in together. We bought all sorts of stuff together at brault & Martineault, set the whole place up, we were jammin.
One evening, Im crazy horny...I mean raging beast kinda shit, so I attack her in the bedroom.
I throw her on the bed, rip off her jeans like Im going in for the kill. Im going nuts, kissing her all over her body and then as Im about to go down on her, I gag....WTF!!!!
I run to the bathroom and throw up 3 times in a row. As I'm staring in the toilet bowl at everything I ate in the last week, I yell at her: "what the fuck is that babe???" It must have been the worst smell I ever was like a skunk fucked a rat with gonnorhea, had babies, stuffed them in her $%nt and died there....
needless to say that I was no longer sexualy attracted to her so we split up
We had to return everything we had bought together to the store and
it was a HUGE MESS



Monday, September 8, 2008

5 girls in a Firebird

So im kickin it with 3 of my friends one night, one of my homies just got his liscence so were cruising right. I think i was 17 at the time my boy was 18 and the rest of us were about that age.

So were cruising real slow in a lot when we see i would say 5 girls in a distance so my boy is like yoo let's go see whats up!!!! Sure enough they wave us down, start talking to us. I ask 2 of them to make out and they do. Me and my friends are hype thinking were gona get with these girls. They invite us to go chill at one of their houses cuz the girls parents were out for the night or something like that.

So the car were in is a firebird but it dont matter we start packing these girls in , the house is not far anyways. You know what happens next right, the luck. Cop car pulls us over and were like 6 in the backseat one extra girl in the front seat. They ask my friend for his drivers liscence they even ask all of us for I.d. and to get out the car. The girls start giving there identification and oohhh man!! I mean we all thought they were 15-16 now keep in mind we were 17-18.
Turns out... these girls were 13....Bad scene

Random Txt Msg

You won't believe what just happened. Im sitting at home minding my own business and I get this random txt msg. "Hey how r u?" from a number that is not in my phone. I just recently switched phones and have yet to put all the numbers in, so I entered the number in my old phone but got no match. So I write back "who is this?". They write back "Its nikki". So at first I assume that its this nikki from another city that I talk to. But after asking a few questions I soon realize that its not the girl I think it is so I interrogate her further. She tells me "It's anna k's' sister". I still have no clue who this person or her sister is. It ends up she asks me to call her. Im a guy so why not call a female stranger she might be hot right? When she answers the phone I can tell by her voice that shes really young which kind of freaks me out a bit. She tells me her friend was texting random people in her phone and that she currently has her sisters old phone which is where my number was stored. So I ask her how old her sister is. She tells me 15. I tell her theres no way in hell a 15-year old girl could possibly have my number as Im 27 and Im not down for illegal business. Shes tells me that her sister is turning 16 next month and I tell her it doesnt matter its 18 and up. So then I ask her how old she is and she tells me 13. Im like WTF!?!? So in a last desperate attempt to figure out what the fuck is going on I mention the names of 2 brothers I know from around their area that are the only people capable (that I know of) to let my number fall into the hands of eager minors. She replies 'Well I dont know Ill ask her when she gets home from work'. I reply "Ok well Im getting off the phone now".... bad scene

Courtney is pregnant!!!!

I was out at a coffee shop with a friend yesterday and there was a group of girls sitting at a table within earshot from us. They kept talking about this girl courtney and how shes pregnant. Now I have no idea who this courtney girl is or how she got pregnant but it sounds like a bad scene.

Mcdonalds Reunion

After a pretty intense and eventful weekend, me and one friend decided to go out one more night. We got to the club pretty late and it was jumping. We chit chatted with some colleagues, ordered a few drinks and had some shots, the usual. It was getting late and the vibe started dying down in the club and then my friend turned to me and suggested that we grab a bite to eat before heading home and calling it a night. The first place he mentioned, which was rather tempting, didnt tickle my fancy too much as the food would take awhile to arrive to our table and I wanted to make the eating a quick pit stop as I had work early in the morning. The second choice was mcdonalds. Now its been over 6 months I havent indulged in a mcdonalds trio and although I had told myself that I will not eat there again, there was a certain magic in the air, probably from the high spirits the spectacular weekend had brought me and the thought of anything with macpoulet sauce sounded delicious. When we got to mcdonalds the service was quick and to the point, just like I needed it to be on a night where I was only looking to get about 4 hours of sleep. "I'll have a number one with a root beer!" I said with an almost 'Its christmas-eve and I cant wait to open my presents, Im 4 years old' attitude. We were blessed with fresh mcdonalds french fries which made the long lost reunion even that much more suculent. I kind of teased myself with a few fries and licks of my big mac before putting it back in the bag and waiting to get home to finish what I had started. It must have taken me 3 minutes and a few bites to finish my trio. I fell asleep satisfied with my decision of choosing the golden arches as my late night snack destination and a feeling of warmth as I was reminded of the great taste of mckie d's. Waking up in the morning however I was reminded of the aftermath of the sort. Ive been awake 9 hours now and my diarrhea has not let up yet Im not sure when its going to stop but I would like it to stop asap.


On my walk home from work I got caught in the rain. As I am not weather savy I did not bring an umbrella with me this morning. So now I am cold, wet and naked in my room with a serious case of the runs.... bad scene
This guy is a really bad scene

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Why my friends a bad scene part 1

So my friend just got this girlfriend or girl hes banging not sure if hes sure of what it is and is now asking me to make him these cds with love songs and is planning on taking salsa dancing classes... he's such a bad scene

Fall Down Girl

So I was out with the boys one beautiful Saturday night. We hit up a few spots where we carried out our normal routine of standing by the bar rating girls. It was about now about 2am and we decided to switch venues once more. Our last destination for the night was not the coolest spot but we knew a few heads up in there. Within 5 mins of me being inside, i got word that an old potential flex of mine was in the building celebrating her birthday. I saw her across the room making her way to the washroom so i strategically placed myself by the closest bar. She came out, made eye contact then jumped on me with excitement. I ordered up some birthday shots while she told me how hot I was. She then ordered a round of tequila shots while telling me she was gonna lick the salt from my neck. I agreed. One shot lead to another...We soon gave up the salt and lemon and downed a few more. I then aggressively grabbed the back of her head to pull her in for a make out. She loved it. I knew it was now or never to get her back to my boys place for some sexy time. I told her to hold on while i go get the keys to the loft. She waited anxiously till i got back. We had now started talking about how long we have waited for this to go down. I grabbed her hand and guided her through the crowd towards the stairs. She could barely manage in her drunken state. We finally got down to the first floor of the club. We had just one more flight of stairs to get outside. A few more obstacles got in our way including a club owner, a girl who thought she knew me and a dude who was trying to steal my flex. We blew through that shit like we were on American Gladiators. I was thinking to myself "Fuck, Finally!!!" as we reached the top of the stairs arm in arm. We were both so horny and wanted to fuck so bad. Her enthusiasm got he best of her though.... She stupidly miscalculated that first step and it was all downhill from there. She fell for what seemed like a good minute in slow motion all the way to the bottom. She was making these awful girly sounds during her descent that tickled my evil sense of humor. I did not laugh out loud however; Im not an asshole. I quickly went down to see if the rest of my night was gonna be ruined. It turned out she broke her knee or some shit and had to get her friends to bring her to the hospital... I ended the night mental masterbating imagining a cripple on my nut sack....bad scene.

Drunken Sex

So I go out to this club with a bunch of friends. End up getting completly shit faced and pass out in the car on the way back. Wake up in front of the motel. Seems as if the female driver had an alterior motive when she told the rest of my friends shes driving me home. Good scene? So wtv we go in the room and go at it right away making out, foreplay, the works. She wants to fuck but we have no condoms.. Wtv its all good who cares... Turn her around start doing her doggy, put it in her bum and then banging banging, bust super hard in her bum, wow what a good feeling. Then later on still going at it, try to finger her bum and she says 'No I dont take it in the bum' and Im like 'what are you talking about I fucked you in the bum and busted' and shes like 'Ummmm that wasnt my bum' ..... bad scene